i wonder...

Just came back from costco... as I was walking out to my car I saw a mexican dude loading 5 mattresses into the back of his pickup truck.

i'm an idiot

So I'm taking a creative writing class this semester. I only signed up for it because I had the professor for another class last semester and she was great, but I've ended up really enjoying this class too. Anyway the class is full of girls: 4-5 are cute, 10 are average looking, and there are 3 dogs. This is good because aside from me, there are only 4 other guys (one of which i'm pretty sure is gay). So today the professor pairs everyone off with partners to read eachother's assignments and sets me up with one of the really cute brunette's (I wish I could describe her better than that, but I guess that's why I'm taking a class on creative writing). Cute girl picks up her stuff, smiles, and settles down next to me. I tell her I didn't do the paper, she laughs and says she doesn't feel like reading anyway. I give her paper a quick once-over and deliver some empty praise. I don't even remember what the assignment was supposed to be about. We start talking about the weekend and I mention that June was skunked again. I have a stupid dog. She asks what kind and mentions that she too has a dog. I ask what kind. She tells me it's a labradoodle. I tell her that's a stupid breed. Cute girl does not like me anymore.

loneliness is looking in the mirror and seeing nothing

June was sprayed by a skunk the other night so i can't just let her out in the yard anymore. It's mating season for pepe le pew, so now I have to take her out for walks every night. I usually like walking her in the dark. I can relax and listen to music without having to stop and talk to neighbors i don't know about all the snow we've been having lately. But it's been unusually cold out, and even under a tee, flannel, sweatshirt, and leather jacket it was uncomfortably chilly. So before going out I got nice and drunk. I know alcohol actually lowers your body temperature or whatever, but it makes you feel warmer so stfu. Anyway, between walking past the same cruddy houses and June trying to pull me into bushes after very interesting smells, my mind started wandering... What makes someone lonely? Most people say loneliness is something that happens when you're not around people, but I don't think that's loneliness, it's just being alone. Loneliness happens when you're missing a part of yourself, but you don't know which part. I need to find my missing part.

Fuck I'm depressing.

first post

hey

It's 2:36 am and I'm sitting in front of my computer, a little drunk, watching Role Models for the 4th time. The main character's kind of a dick. He's bored with his life so he focuses his negative energy on other, irrelevant stuff that distracts him from how much of a dick he really is. And now I'm thinking about who I am and who I want to be, and where I am and where I want to go. It really sucks when you know where you are and where you want to go, but not how to get there. And not only that, but you don't even know where to find a map to get there. It's getting late and I don't really think I have anything else to add, plus i've really gotta take a piss, so that's it for now.